Edge Forum

You've got 10 kids - how do you cope!?

It’s difficult! They’re all good kids and none is the favourite. I’ve got six girls and four boys. When I tell people that, they can’t believe it; my mum is from the Caribbean, from St Martin, and her friend there has twenty children – so ten’s not bad!

Did you start early as a father?

I had the first one when I was 14 years old – so now, when I go round and talk to kids, I talk to them about sex education and I tell them to take it slow. I say, use your education – my mum told me to, and I said “No, I’ve got football, I don’t need education”. And now when I go into schools, the kids are asking me questions, and I don’t always know the answers because I didn’t have that background.

I go into schools as a classroom assistant; I was approached to run a workshop because I was the first black footballer and they wanted the kids to hear my experiences. At first I was very nervous and I was talking to kids, who were about 8 or 10, and they were actually listening to me – I couldn’t believe it. It got better until one teacher said “why don’t you apply to be an assistant teacher” – I said, “How, I’ve got no qualifications?!” She said it didn’t matter. So I applied, and my goodness, it was difficult to write a CV and fill out the application form but I got the job and quite a few things have opened up for me since. I wrote an autobiography, called Black & Blue, and my life after football is taking off even more than it did then.

What was your first game like?

If you don’t have nerves, if you feel comfortable, you aren’t ready. In my first debut in 1981, which was against Crystal Palace, when I say it was daunting, I mean daunting. I didn’t know a lot of Chelsea supporters were from the National Front. I was warming up, and I heard this racist chant, and I thought it was Crystal Palace, but I turned around and it was my own supporters. Even before I got on the ground, I didn’t wanna be there. I had bananas thrown at me and everything. When there were four minutes to go I wanted the referee to blow the whistle. When he did, I ran out.

Did you feel angry?

I felt shocked. This was a professional club. Most of the fans, even the Crystal Palace fans were shocked at the treatment I got. But now, I get people coming up to me, like this guy in Barcelona who asked to shake my hand and I didn’t know why; he said “Sorry – I was one of those fans back in 1981.” What do you say? I said “Thanks, that was brave of you to say.” He may not have meant to do what he did, but it was because he followed the crowd – it came down to peer pressure, which is one of the things I now talk to children in schools about.

What other big challenges have you faced in football?

Against Millwall, which is National Front central, I was playing in a reserve game and I turned round on the pitch and I saw these hoods – the KKK. That was the only time I really lost it. I was going to break someone’s legs with my tackles. That was the only time I let the personal come into my professional game. And the referee saved me – he went to my manager and he said, “Take him off or I’ll send him off.”

It used to be frightening walking to the ground, with National Front leaflets being handed out. People approached my mates when they came to watch me, and I sometimes didn’t give them tickets to games, cos I was worried for them. Once, one of my mates got approached by some Front members and they let him off for being my mate because they supported Chelsea, otherwise they were gonna get him.

I went back to Chelsea four years ago and saw six black players in a game against Man City – it was a joy.

What did your family think of you playing football?

I lived and dreamed football. My mum did not think it was a professional career option, they said be a doctor, or even an athlete, but I ignored them and watched football day in, day out. But now I see what my mum said about following education was right – cos I had my injury, and that was it.

Do you feel that football is easier now for young black stars?

There is so much opportunity now for young black players, Chinese players, Brazilian players. They see kids now as athletic, and it’s not about where you’re from – they need you to show some spark for a club to take you on. I’ve got players now who have got something, but it’s still not enough. Now they start when you’re 6 years old and talk to the parents from then. Or they go abroad and start academies, like in Brazil – they put the money into these youngsters so they can sign them up when they’re older.

What does success mean to you?

Success was fulfilling my dream, and that was to be a footballer. But I think for me, more than anyone else it was my parents seeing me be good – there I was, man of the match most days and I came home and my mum would just tell me to hoover the stairs, and I think that’s why my relationship with my mum didn’t go too well. But after Chelsea, my name’s been recognised for other things. Now I think I should put things back into the community; where I came from was the streets, and there are lots kids living like that now. I work with kids and tell it to them straight – you’ve got to put yourself in the right place and know what you are capable of achieving – because something always pops up – and you’ve got to be ready.

If you went through the education system now, how do you think you would have done?

Kids now have such facilities – I can barely turn my iphone on and I had to get my daughter to help me and she says “my god, don’t you know?” If I had that sort of information at my fingertips that you have, I would have been different.

mal;">As a kid, I thought the day was long, but now I can see there’s hardly any time to learn in the day! You get such long holidays. I used to live for football, but now I get up at 6 o clock and I’m there before 8! I love it. When the Year 6 were leaving, I got tearful! I really do try to get them to be a bit more confident, a bit more bold, to motivate them. When you get a present and you know you made a difference, it’s just amazing.

What would you be doing if not this?

It’s been a blessing in disguise working in a school. I don’t like working in an office. I don’t know where I’d have been if not in football. I’d be doing odds and ends, just making ends meet really.

This is why I say to the kids; make the most of your education.

I know you’ve been involved in drugs and crime in the past – what kind of advice would you give to young people now?

That was the worst time of my life. There was so much going on in my mind when I took crack – it was because it enhanced you, it made you forget your problems. But they were still there afterwards. The lowest point was when my son died. This boy was just me – I don’t have favourites, but he was me all over. Then I got a call saying he had to go to hospital, and then that he couldn’t be operated on. I broke down. That’s when I went nuts, and took crack, because I wanted help and I wanted to clean up. Then one of my apprentices spotted me in the street and he saw the state of me and said “Paul, this isn’t you.” He took me to hospital; he was there constantly with me. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here now. Rehab was the best thing for me, I started thinking for myself again, my mind was clear, I was alive again. So I came back, then I was hit with cancer, which I did not expect and that hit me like a ton of bricks. I was perceived to be healthy, and I just didn’t believe it. So they said we can treat you with chemotherapy, and as far as I was concerned, this was a cure. But I wouldn’t wish that chemo on my worst enemy. It made me feel like I was 70 years old and I was only 30. You catch a cold and you could die. I took it really lightly at the start, and I could not believe cancer could do this to me. My mate David Rocastle, who played for Arsenal, he died of Hodgkins disease which is what I had, and that shook me.

In terms of advice, obviously I can’t tell younger kids about the drugs, but I tell young people in secondary and in prison that taking crack and having cancer – that was the most torrid time of my life.